17 jan 2010
Posted by: sophiasophie on: October 19, 2009
and then i realise, im going to miss so many things from here.
.
and whats up with this blogathon bug that bit me?
and we go a full circle – home?
Posted by: sophiasophie on: October 18, 2009
basically, this was the most sedentry weekend i have had ever since i moved out of HHH- happenin hoppin hasselt.
what i did apart from watching the first few episodes of grey’s (6th season’s in the house yooohooo) and annie hall (u got to love woody allen and is that diane all skinny and young and slightly ditsy?) and reading about india (mental as i say for the bajillionth time that country is, and im mental for going there on my own) and putting ads for my car online (various places including autoscout be – the ad’s in dutch too!) and a teeny wheeny bit of studying, and the biggest activity of all was this – i wrote a tediously long emotional email to the rents. it was clensing too. in a way.
it went basically like this. so im going to be honest here. i didnt mean to “run away”. its just that i wasnt coping so well with your expectations. yada yada. i did it all those years because it was important to you. getting into that school. doing this. attaining that. yada yada. but i realised i couldnt anymore. and im happier now. blah blah. you have to trust me. i know your expectations only came from your good intentions. let me go. make my own mistakes. crap crap. a few hundred words of it and i pressed sent.
jesuschristohmightlylordy i pressed sent.
and after all of that. i realised that im so tired of this. and im convinced there is a solution. there IS a bridge that exists. somewhere. and thats the one we will meet halfway on. but i have to find it before too long, i cant bear them thinking ill of me. (in a way they are, thinking i live this hippy lifestyle) and maybe that bridge lies in me going back home. im tired of the fighting. the long distance silent treatment. its childish and im too old for shit like that. and i believe that it cant go on like this. if going home is what it takes, then i really think i should do that before it becomes too late. as much as i love my life here, how much further can i do this with this big stagnant pile of %^&$ that i have been dragging around? it has to end. and i think it will (or should i say should) end sooner than later.
—
phew. that was heavy shit for a sunday afternoon, no?
In anycase however, i have my trip to look forward to and time is not going fast enough!
count down
Posted by: sophiasophie on: October 17, 2009
so its just 10 weeks left. left of work i mean.
its just going to be full speed, nonstop action really, and that i wont have time to think about the consequences of what i am doing! its the completion of the project, the gmat prep, the selling of the car, the 10001 documents to get in order, the dis-asembling and packing that threatens with the darkness that comes along with re-location.
and yes, no time to think of the consequences as i was saying. so many things could happen. like getting stuck in a deep crevice somewhere in the himalayas, or getting robbed of everything and having to work my way out of whatisname town somewhere on the paraguayan-argentinian border, or NOT getting into a grad program or NOT finding a job after, or spending too much money on this crazy trip, or getting kidnapped. And a result of most of these scenarios will involve me going back to live under my parents roof. And i think that i DO know that. its somewhere in the back of my head. And that this is one reality that i would have to contend with in the event that it does happen (and it’s possible due to not getting a job, not getting into a program, etc), and be utterly and completely resolved with my inner-ness that home is the place to be. And slowly I am getting there. To be absolutely at peace at the way my life can swing in the next year.
ok, peace talk aside. Meanwhile, its frustration on the home front. argh! its friday night and im home alcohol-free and studying like a good little asian. gmat prep is scaring me. i think im over my head thinking my english is decent.
PS: the bright spot of my day is qiuyi texting me to wish me a happy weekend. and i wish you the very same my dear. for a moment there, i felt the warmth of singapore in this zero-degree frostiness that is WINTER (yes, i absolutely maintain that fall only lasted 2 weeks this year and its WINTER already).
PPS: i went to see sharko last night. and it was great! 
there was a point when he jumped off the stage, all in his sweaty self, and walked right into the audience (and towards sarah and me) and of course, we got to actually touch him. And guess what sarah said right after that? well. she said. “he was quite wet. but at least he didnt smell” hahahahhahaha. ok, well, at least for some reason it was funny when she said it.
ooh more baby talk!
Posted by: sophiasophie on: August 28, 2009
as further proof to all the baby-related oofness happening around me, today a squelchy thing happened at lunch.
so, it was business as usual, talking about babies (i did mention that a lot of my colleagues are pregnant, and one just had the baby a couple of days ago), and we arrive at this fascinating topic of the actual birth process. no, we didnt stop at the part where u are asking for more drugs because of the PAIN, no, we didnt stop at the part where we talked about the freaking length of the scar and the way your tummy hangs and droops looking limp and turd-ish. no, we didnt even stop at the talk on water retention and veins and legs swelling and all that. what we did was that we talked about the actual tearing of your skin. like your skin literally tear and rip. with hand gestures. during lunch.
and i didnt finish lunch. and i was starving by the time i got home.
time travel onscreen
Posted by: sophiasophie on: August 24, 2009
the time traveller’s wife is my absolute favourite book of all time. i dont even know how to describe why i love it so much. i think its the way the author weaved complex and yet everyday themes of time, growing up, marriage, religion, science, hope, lost and love together in such beautiful clarity that this book in a way, showed me the meaning of being human.
and now, its on the big screen! and i cant wait for it to come to belgium!
usually i am disappointed at how book-made-into-films turn out. but i have a feeling i will like this one.
life is a mystery
Posted by: sophiasophie on: August 5, 2009
so, this all happened within the last few days.
it involves having a baby.
1) chacon said that a witch told him that one of his friends will be pregnant very soon. (chacon is super hilarious like that you know. saying random shit. and i decided there and then we wont be friends, so there.)
2) people at work are all getting pregnant. following someone’s joyous announcement 2 days ago, a colleague looked at me and said you are next. in his serious-im-joking manner. (at this point, i got goosebumps)
3) mel thinks that adam is my baby. (…)
OMG. a baby is NOT coming into my life at this moment.
this is one of life’s freaky moments where one feels unseen forces of the universe and probablity working together to create a statistically very very improbable situation, aka having all this happen together at about the same time from people from different continents all making the very same reference.
//edit// and johanne said that im going to have a baby! WTF. on saturday night. this is freaky. i need to consult the spirits or something.
so its crunch time. stat.
Posted by: sophiasophie on: July 29, 2009
and i figured out an almost plan. hows that?
its a plan that if should work, would take me to 2012 and beyond.
i really have to scramble in the coming months. but once the scrambling is done then the wheels are in motion and the (short term) future is set.
it involves being done with nike. it involves frantic applications to schools. it involves a bout of traveling. it involves going back to school.
im so glad that at least i figured out a plan.
and the future still points to europe! to travel where, that is still a mystery. however destinations to study are decided upon.
to marseille
Posted by: sophiasophie on: July 17, 2009
so, it turns out that im heading to marseille this weekend i hope we get there as some (there are always these irritating sods who love to rain on your parade) have pointed out to me that its going to be impossible to get to south of france during this time of the year. with the holidaying crowd on the move.
BUT anyway. 4 days of sun. here i come.
and did i say im going there with 3 couples. so im not going to just play the fucking 3rd violin, im actually the entire string section. if they all start making out 1 by 1 in front of me, i dont know what im going to do.
otherwise, its going to be fun! like all road trips.
i feel like a storm is coming
Posted by: sophiasophie on: July 14, 2009
you know, i think i just had it with my work.
but as i really dont want to dwell on it as it already consumes a tremendous amount of energy, why should i waste time fretting over something as silly as work?
its rather clever, no, such mind diversionary tactics?
anyway, the week ahead looks grand as berlin is coming up in a couple of days. and the days over the last week was equally grand too. bbq on one of the most beautiful terraces in brussels. beautiful because of the wonderful view. and drinking lots of mojitos with the latin posse. and getting ridiculously wasted.
i remember bits about me talking about having a cat. and gushing about berlin. and banging my head on something.
and dancing. and lots of dancing. and declaring my love for lindsay. in fact the declarations were mutual.
—
edit: oh shit. i just heard. H1N1 is getting in the way of the plans and there might be no berlin! as in no berlin trip, not no berlin. but oh well, berlin or no berlin, party on I shall.
